and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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