I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
