You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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