Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
