It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
