I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
