another moral hangover. fuck.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
