I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
