Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
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It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
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Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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