i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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