Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
