Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
