I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
