Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
This toilet bowl is my home.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
