mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
