I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
