Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
His nipple licking is glorious
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