I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
