If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
