I think about you every night.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES