all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My penis needs a shock collar
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
