Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS