Whod you bang
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
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just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
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Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...