when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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