I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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