She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
