i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
