I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
