I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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