You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
