it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
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We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
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I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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