I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
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