Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
