i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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