I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
