no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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