....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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