It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
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He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
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You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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