I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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