don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
