She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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