eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
