Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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