its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
