i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Randomize
