I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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