The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
