he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
