im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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