Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
