He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
