the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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