1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
