Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
