Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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