Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
