I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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