and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
