how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.