Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out