Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Ladies don't puke and tell
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.