if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad