Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?