She just used a chaser for red wine.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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