i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
