He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
