Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
