I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
