I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
