i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
