you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
