so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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