I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
