My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
