You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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