He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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