We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
