so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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