He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
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there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
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I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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