im holly from the hills drunk
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
