i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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